Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Yesterday I swallowed my retainer.
Yes, yes, go and get the laughing out now.
It was a day like any other day- I went to class, and then while running on Monday, I realized my permanent retainer on my bottom four front teeth had come uncemented on the right side. I let out a long mental "ARGHHHH!" and silently cursed my orthodontist for ruining my life with my crappy retainer and marathon invisalign. Overdramatic? Maybe a little. Anyways, I'd just get to the orthodontist sooner or later. It was still cemented to the other side, so I figured things were probably going to be alright.
About 7 hours later it was FHE time. PS I love my FHE group. Anyways, it was Battle of the Sexes/Ice Cream Brownie night. The brownies I'd made turned out pretty lamely, seeing as I was too cheap to buy a brownie mix and thought I could create my own. Rachel used her culinary arts skills (and common sense) to buy a mix and make brownies that were actually good. However, she cooked them a little long, and it was about the time I finished gnawing off a pretty crusty corner, chewed, and swallowed that I realized something was peculiar.
My mouth felt a little too good.
My teeth were a little too smooth.
My retainer a was a little too gone.
Upon realizing my retainer was missing, I jumped up, started looking for the one inch piece of metal by the ice cream container, and then came to a horrible, awful, miserable, pathetic realization. I'd swallowed it.
Everyone always tells me I eat fast. It is true. I inhale food. Every tells me I should chew more. It is true. Evidentially I chew so little that I can't even distinguish brownie from metal.
I freaked out a little, and my mom freaked out a lot. Her freaking out and telling me I was going to puncture my stomach caused my level of freaking out to spike, which in turn caused everyone at FHE to laugh at me. They all told me I would probably live to see tomorrow, but I was not so sure....
... however, here I am. Alive, kicking, registered for classes next semester, and avoiding studying for my Spanish test.
Alyssa 1, Retainer 0.

Now to find a competent orthodontist to fix my teeth before they go crooked. Eek! Life is difficult without a car... hence another reason the scooter sounds better with each passing day.


The Ball Babies said...

Yikes! Do you have any belly pain? Do you have any lower abdominal pain? Have you been checking our stools for the past few days like the nurse said to? Heheh

Nice post.

Aly G said...

If you need a ride anywhere call me girl!