yet another little list

today at work i compiled a montage of all the reasons my job can be pretty dang awkward. i don't know what is worse- the things i find myself saying, the things i find myself doing, or the things i find myself thinking. i will let you decide. but really- i've posted about a lot of the "happenstances" at work time and time again, but they just seem to get better and better. so here i go, divulging what happens from the other side of the counter.

1. the fact that one of my jobs is to check people out... and i say things like "i can check you out over here!" "you're all checked out!" or "i just checked you out". oy.
you can only say this to so many five year olds before you start creeping yourself out a little bit.

2. those parents. the ones who call for an emergency stubbed toe.
the ones who painstakingly spell out their last name.
the last name is smith.  S......M......I.....T..............H.
the ones who give WAY too much information... use your imagination.
the ones who give no information.
"and what are we seeing your child for today" "i think they're sick" ok. awesome.
the ones who think you are best friends.
"oh hey alyssa, it's me again. hailey's mom!" (hailey who...)
the celebrity families. notorious for their style, number of children, booming voices, craziness, or ability to dismantle an entire waiting room before they are even checked in. or all of the above.

hands down my favorite parent.

3. asking people if the urine sample they are thrusting towards me is "fresh" and then getting as far away as possible as they try to drop it right off into my hands. thanks.... but no thanks.

4. even more fantastic child names.
rayjin waters
autumn sky
alexandr khristian (neither black nor rapper)
and my favorite family of trees: aspen, autumn, everett, ivy, and oakley. true life!

5. the stickers. oh, those stickers. if i have one piece of advice to offer up, it is probably this. never ever ever ever touch the stickers at the doctor's office. i am quite positive that every single symptom and syndrome can be found on that special box of princess stickers. the throaty coughers hack all over them. the boogery kids wipe their noses then dive right into the bucket. whole boxes get stuck in toddlers' mouths. never touch them unless you're trying to leave with a souvenir of a whole different strain.

in other news, i still don't know what i should be for halloween. it has got to be good. i've got to wear it to work and the children have got to like it! i want witty. i want comfortable. i want some great ideas!

i made applesauce. i am going to make my children their own baby food. i will probably eat more of said baby food than the actual baby.

i probably spent the last hour trying to figure out how to use spotify since i am getting the vibe that pandora is so.... 2010. it's just me, getting with the times!

did i tell you i drive a van? it is awful. dreadful.

happy almost friday... big plans this weekend! working. hiking. continuing my college drop out bumminess. making hummus and more soup. a recap will most definitely ensue.

a neutral day

the good news:
i forgot that i'd already paid last month's rent with my initial deposit, so the phone call from the management company notifying me that i needed to come pick up my check was like christmas morning.

the bad news:
somehow our electric bill ended up being 174.23 for july. what. the. heck.
***
the good news:
i am more or less obsessed with lunabars. yes, the "nutritional bar for women!" i am so ashamed of my habit. but they are delicious. eating a chocolate dipped coconut one will turn your day around. i know from experience.

the bad news:
see "good news"
****
the good news:
i had a wedding epiphany today. i went to a reception for a friend of a friend and maaaaaaan i just want to press fast forward to my own wedding, rewind back to this reception, and then press play.  it was stylish and simple. you know the wedding is good when you can't find a single thing to make fun of in the engagement pictures.

the bad news:

i am gonna need a whole lot of mason jars. and key lime pie cheesecake. and some poor fool crazy enough to marry me.

***
the good news:
i am hardcore working full time until school starts. and making mental lists of all the items i want to buy on my mental back to school shopping list.
like these. drool.

the bad news:
dr. cornish doesn't have any openings for well child checks until september 23rd, so don't even think about calling and trying to weasel your three children in to get their kindergarten immunizations today. (because they're triplets, obviously)
***
the good news:
i finally got my fall schedule all ironed out!

the bad news:
look at the size of this book why don't you. it weighs 9.6 pounds. i checked. the bad news isn't so much that i have to take art history as that i fear that i might have to cart this thing up to campus. (or is that good news? i can imagine some pretty good skull crushers or bicep curls in between classes might come from that beaut)

***
my life is neutral.

dear future husband

working around children has forced me to compose a list of certain children's names that will not be making the cut when i call them mine.

without further ado i give you the worst best names of children at utah valley pediatrics.

charlie brown
kobe bryant
jack black
artorius
petraeus
silver brown
easton west
kastle
breez
edison bell
julajax
magestic
scholar
harley wilde
swazie
yeager
matilda peace, lucy love, and penelope sweetheart (possibly all love children)
princess
any variation of:
maddox, madyx, matix, mattis
crue, crew, krew, crews, cruise
cash, cache, caxche (so i made that one up.)
jackson, jaxon, jaxson

and my newest addition as of today?
colby jack blue.
 yep, thats a real thing. either his parents love cheese.... or they don't know a thing about it.

it just makes me grateful every day i've got a normal name free of excess "y"s and "x"s.

hope everyone's week is going swell!

i bought my first pair of scrubs today

i put them on after work and then never wanted to take them off again. where have i been the last nine months and why did no one let me in on the biggest secret to comfort?
sometimes my job is a funny place. being summer and all, i tend to be there a lot, so consider this the first post of many on the subject.
this story is based on actual events.

the more i work, the more i learn about people and their strange quirks/ ideas about disease/ and general paranoia. when people come to my desk to check in their child, and i click on their name and often times a flasher will come up, telling me they have a credit, balance, special instructions for scheduling, etc etc. basically we know more about people than they think, and sometimes i wonder what my face does when i find some of the more interesting notifications. like this one.

"SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS: Do NOT give out any information to mother if she calls. She is not to know any of child's information. If any records are to be given out, caller must use code word. The code word is 'rumplestilskin'"

upon reading this i had to make a conscious effort not to fall off my chair or laugh hysterically. just when you think you've seen it all...